Oversized Skeleton Key

Description

Finally, a key big enough to unlock the mysteries of the universe—or at least a very large, hypothetical door. They say the best things come in small packages, but they clearly haven’t tried to carry a five-foot wooden key through a standard door frame. The ‘Skeleton Key’ is less of a locksmith’s tool and more of a philosophical statement rendered in premium American Walnut. We’ve laminated individual slices of timber into a singular, monolithic entity that commands respect, or at least a lot of questions from your houseguests. It’s the ultimate analog security system: it won’t open your front door, but it will definitely stop anyone from running through the wall where it’s mounted.

Features & Specs:
● Material: 100% Solid Walnut (The ‘Dark Knight’ of timber).
● Construction: Laminated layers for structural integrity and visual rhythm.
● Dimensions: 4′ x 5′ x 6″—perfect for giant-sized pockets.
● Finish: No engraving, just raw, unadulterated grain glory.
● Functionality: Unlocks exactly zero locks, but 100% of conversations.

If you find the lock this fits, please contact us immediately. We have questions about your lifestyle choices.